I had a social worker once

SASW has been advised by an expert group of carers and supported people for several years. Their personal and collective experiences are key to helping SASW pursue our shared goal to support good practice in social work. 

I had a social worker once 

Well, not me. For my son, Tom. 

I hated her.  

She hated me. 

She bullied me, made vague threats over the phone from the office and would keep me informed by sending recorded delivery letters. I had to queue up at the local sorting office on a damp morning to pick up one of those letters telling me she was leaving. I hated feeling mistrusted, unhelpful, and wrong. Feeling wrong. 

I walked away from that social work support. I didn't need that stress in my life.  

Throughout lockdown I struggled enormously with my mental wellbeing. When other families spoke of all the phone calls they got from organisations, all we got was a bored call from the school every few weeks. 

I wasn't in a good place.  

Eventually the school passed my details to Flora, a different social worker.  

I didn't really trust her. I thought my card was marked and that she was merely ticking a box and would soon ignore me.  

How wrong I was. Now, as my son spends his last few months in children’s services before transitioning to adult learning disability services, I am struck by how much I will miss the guidance, honesty, and core values of Flora. 

Flora has been a constant help by my side, helping me to ensure Tom has the best possible life that he and we can manage. She listened, guided, and supported. Every decision we’ve made together has come from her desire to help us to live well - and sometimes she’s strongly encouraged us to take steps to support ourselves in ways we really would never have done off our own backs. She’s encouraged me to use our SDS budget in creative ways and I’ve taken risks that I would never take. Should things go wrong, I feared that people would ask “Why did you think taking your child to a festival would ever work?“ Or “Didn't you even consider that taking your child to The Pleasure Beach was madness?”  

With our SDS budget, we took those risks. And we survived. We grew our confidence in new environments. We grew our trust in each other and recognised that we could cope (for a short while) in busy environments. And now, as we leave children's services, we’re more confident in my son’s capabilities, his interests, his passions – and his ability to adapt to new and uncertain situations. And I believe that wouldn't have been so strong if Flora hadn't encouraged us to take those risks. 

When we asked for unusual things to be funded via our budget, she would ask me to fully explain how this would benefit Tom and how it would add positively to his documented outcomes. This made me fully think through how this would work and what I wanted to achieve.  Experiencing these events as a success (to some degree) we built on that new success, looking out for other opportunities to try something just out of our comfort zone and make it work for us. 

Flora, who was also supporting my pal’s family, turned up for a review at their house on the day before her son’s birthday. She got down on the floor and helped to wrap his birthday presents as she talked through the review. My friend respected her enough to value her doing this and to be part of this important preparation for her son. 

We would not be as comfortable about moving forward if it wasn't for Flora and her invaluable support. Her guidance and her agreement that what we are doing is right, has real value and has built a good life for Tom. We would never have felt as confident in moving forward without her encouragement.  

While other parents have expressed anxiety over the slow process of transitions, I have little anxiety as I believe Flora fully understands my dreams and desires for Tom. And I know she will do everything in her power to support us. Flora has been an incredible ally in our lives and the part she’s played in supporting us will never be forgotten. 

The SASW team have wished Helen and Tom all the best for this next step on their journey.